The maid of honor just puked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
