Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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