Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
