Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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