Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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