Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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