SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
