i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
