And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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