weddingsv make me drug and hornr
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
