He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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