Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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