i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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