I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
