47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
