her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
