Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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