This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
