Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
