I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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