I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
