i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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