I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
