ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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