I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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