What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
