The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
