I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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