no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
