there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
