I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
