I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
