I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
