Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
