I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
