bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
time to smoke my breakfast
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
