M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
