There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
