i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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