it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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