Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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