I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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