I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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