So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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