they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
