idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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