Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
