omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
