hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Buhtt sex?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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