Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
