My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
