He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
