I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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