i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
