Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize