I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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