There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
