if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize