do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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