Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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