It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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