p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize