P.S. I can't hear my feet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
