haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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