Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
