we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
