she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
