i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
