he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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