I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am one with the molecules
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
