Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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