i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
