my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize