I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
