I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
