I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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