Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
