Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
