You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
