I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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